


i'm sorry

by honeydukes (sjnsdipity)



Series: produce 101 drabbles, one-shots, and blurbs [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, BNM trainees are a family, Crying, Gen, I cried writing this, I didn't mean for this to be so angsty, M/M, No Fluff, Short, Spoilers for Episode 10, also the title sucks i'm sorry, episode 10, i'm really upset actually, there aren't any other romantic relationships aside from donghyun/youngmin, third elimination spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 06:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11156373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sjnsdipity/pseuds/honeydukes
Summary: youngmin waits. he waits for donghyun's name to be called, waits for someone to tell him that this is a joke. he waits, trying to look as relaxed as he can while his dongsaengs get called at higher ranks than he does. all aside from donghyun.youngmin's thoughts during and after the third elimination.





	i'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah i'm really upset with the third elimation. most of the trainees didn't deserve the rankings that got :( i didn't mean to make this is as sad is it (hopefully) is, but it just kind of happened that way im sorry

youngmin waits. he waits for donghyun's name to be called, waits for someone to tell him that this is a joke. he waits, trying to look as relaxed as he can while his dongsaengs get called at higher ranks than he does. all aside from donghyun.

he's proud of woojin and daehwi. how could he not be proud of them? they've improved so much, learned about people and about the industry, and about themselves. he's worried about them before he's proud of them. he's worried because daehwi can act as bright and happy as he wants, but youngmin sees the dark circles under his eyes. woojin can act like he isn't hurting, but youngmin is the one he seeks out at night when he can't sleep from pain. donghyun can act like his elimination isn't going to change anything, but youngmin  _knows._

he knows that donghyun is going to cry himself to sleep tonight with no one by his side to comfort him. he knows that donghyun is going back to the brand new music dorms with no one with him, no one to protect him from the other trainees or from himself. youngmin knows that donghyun is going to push himself too hard, is going to practice too much and wear himself out. none of the other trainees at the dorm are going to help him, because they're going to claim that donghyun  _can help himself_ , and whine that he _got so far and didn't make it._

youngmin doesn't understand. he watches boa announce the top ranked trainee, and he isn't surprised when it's daniel. he knows that daniel is speaking, but he doesn't hear anything he says. youngmin doesn't look at him. he keeps his eyes on donghyun, but the younger boy won't look at him.

when they're dismissed, youngmin doesn't search for donghyun first. instead, he searches for kenta, who has tears in his eyes, but he's trying not to let them fall. the second youngmin wraps his arms around him, the japanese boy starts crying, tears soaking into youngmin's shirt. he's shorter than youngmin, so he just turns his head and rests his cheek on youngmin's chest. it doesn't feel awkward for youngmin, like it would have before produce 101. he's become more open to people, to comforting them and allowing himself to be comforted. "i'm sorry," youngmin whispers, but he doesn't know what he's apologizing for. he looks up and spots yongguk standing with moonbok and jaehwan, and he's gentle when he leads kenta to them.

he hugs yongguk first, kenta still clinging to him, and then the two of them hug each other. "i'm sorry," he apologizes again. moonbok and jaehwan had already walked away. "you don't have anything to be sorry for," kenta sniffles, voice muffled by yongguk's shoulder. "you earned your rank, and we earned ours," yongguk's voice is gentle, like he knows youngmin's chest is aching, and youngmin walks away after one last hug with the both of them. youngmin searches for woojin next. the little one.

"i'm sorry woojin-ah," he mumbles, stroking the back of the younger boy's hair softly. woojin is till wrapped up in daniel's arms, crying softly. he'd just seen seongwoo walk away from them with tears in his eyes and a frown on his face. "why are you apologizing hyung?" woojin wailed into daniel's arm. youngmin didn't answer, only sent a weak smile at daniel.

he heard donghyun before he saw him. he had their woojin and daehwi in a hug, kenta attached to his back and who looked like seo sunghyuk clinging onto his hand. "stop crying," donhyun was telling all of them. "it's fine." sunghyuk saw youngmin first, letting go of donghyun's hand. "i'm sorry," youngmin murmured to sunghyuk quietly. "you don't deserve this rank." the young boy only shrugged, wiping a tear away. kenta peeked at youngmin and let go of donghyun, who finally noticed youngmin. he sent a pleading look at him, and youngmin pried daehwi and woojin from his front. "thanks hyung," donghyun grinned, but youngmin couldn't find it in himself to smile back. he only stared for a moment, feeling his eyes stinging for the first time since the filming started. "hyung?" donghyun tilted his head to side, and youngmin launched himself at him.

"i'm sorry donghyun. i'm so sorry." he buried his face in the younger boy's shirt, his crying making his shoulders shake. donghyun hadn't been crying before, but now youngmin could feel all of the tears falling onto his hair. "hyung," donghyun tried to say, but he choked on a sob and let out a bitter laugh. "i'm sorry i couldn't do better for you, donghyun-ah. i'm sorry i wasn't a good enough leader. a good enough hyung." _i'm sorry i didn't love you enough while we were here,_ he adds in his head.

"it's okay, hyung," donghyun whispered. "you tried. i know you did." youngmin shook his head, curling further in on himself and clutching donghyun's shirt in his hands like it was his lifeline. "i love you, donghyunnie. i love you. you know that, right? i love you and i'm sorry." donghyun ran his hands down youngmin's back with a sigh. "i love you too, hyung." youngmin didn't know how long they stayed that way, but it was until after they called cut, and youngmin still didn't move. he knew that he was going to have to go back to the produce 101 dorm without donghyun, was gonna have to practice without him, sleep without him, and youngmin could barely even  _think_ about letting him go at this second.  
  
"youngmin," he heard dongho say softly from behind him. he shook his head, feeling donghyun push his shoulders gently. "hyung, you have to let go," daehwi mumbled. youngmin didn't like that choice of words at all, and it only made him tighten his hold. "please. you have to go, youngmin hyung," donghyun's voice cracked at his name, and youngmin realized that they were both still crying. he pulled himself away from donghyun, glancing at him with red eyes. "are all of the cameras off?" youngmin asked, and dongho nodded. "you might wanna turn around, hyung," daehwi wrapped his fingers around dongho's arm cautiously, guiding him to turn his back on youngmin and donghyun.  
  
youngmin didn't let himself hesitate before he pulled donghyun into a kiss. it was desperate, like it would be their last kiss together- and it would be for a while. they kissed until their lungs burned for oxygen, and even then they didn't want to part. "i love you," youngmin whispered against donghyun's lips, and our he younger boy pulled away. "i'm sorry, hyung."  
  
that night, woojin and daehwi climbed in bed with youngmin, curling around him as though to protect them. he didn't sleep, but their even breathing calmed him and their familiar weights on him kept him from tossing and turning. he was awake when the sun came up, one thought filling his head.  
  
_i'm sorry i couldn't protect you._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my lil blurb of sadness and i hope you enoyed it. if you enjoyed or didn't enjoy, constructive criticism or feedback would be appreciated :) also feel free to just talk pd101 with me in general, i'm up for just talking about the trainees


End file.
